Dreaming...

I had a bunch of things I always could count on, a few friends, a few strong deep relationships.
They broke down. Maybe time, maybe me, maybe them.
This is a very grey fall here in Cataluña and for the very first time since I finished my degree I am doing nothing but drawing, painting, sculpting with ceramic, using the pottery wheel, making etchings, taking pictures. I am trying hard to give love back to the only one thing that is ALWAYS on my side, art.
I still cannot stop thinking about all the great people I feel I have lost on the road but then I wake up in the morning and have only one wish: create. My head is wondering and my creativity is going strange places.
I had a terrible nightmare last night, I dreamt that I was the chosen to be Satan's prophet, his left arm. I was there with a wounded Jesus, drinking shots of something that tasted like Bailey's with dark red blood, the blood of the devil. I was in a church full of lit candles and suddenly I decided that no matter the amazing "job offer" I was not ready to accept it and I took Jesus back to his destiny, to be killed but then also resurrect and be the superstar in so many people's life.(?!?)
I woke up and of course I could no go back to sleep.
I am almost always lucky enough to remember my dreams but this one was particularly extravagant, I might admit...
I have no idea of what it means but when I was having breakfast I had a thought...Is it possible that all the great friends in my life left me behind because they got a glance of what is in my head?!?

A while ago.

Travelling will keep you young.

We just came back from a road trip to Asturies and I am already missing it. Even if I know the weather is far from being that nice everyday of the year I am starting to wonder what it would be like to live there. Somehow the landscape and the people manage to make me feel immediately at home...

Where are you hiding?

I think I deserve to know.

Life Goes on...

2012, lets try to see the glass half full this year, eh?

Some days, just before Christmas.

It has been a very strange couple of months, I felt really bad for many different reasons, kind of unhealthy and unwell. I came to realize that I always hand over the achievement of my happiness to the people around me and I did not feel very proud about it. What I mean by this is that I am always waiting for someone else to make me happy, someone to do stuff I like with, almost like doing them alone would not be as much fun. Suddenly over the past days I realized that the reason I should do things is because I like them and not wait around for anyone to do stuff or feel happy. I am always waiting for people to do what I would like them to do but it does not really work that way. By building up expectations I ended up mostly disappointed on several occasions and this should have taught me better a long time ago. If I want to bake I should do it at my terms, my pace, my like. The same for all my free time. I should really learn how to give credit to myself and appreciate to be with someone that really understands me, or at least tries... me again.
I am not saying that people are useless and not worth it, on the contrary. I should appreciate sharing time with friends for what it is and not try to make it what I feel it should be to be perfect. By doing this I did a couple of more things over the past days. As soon as my head started working again without the cloudness of the painkillers, I started doing what I wanted without waiting for someone to do it with me. I know how silly some thoughts seem by the outside but this realization could have saved me so much trouble every time I asked myself: why I cannot find some friends that want to do all the thinks I like? I was here, all this time and I was never enough... maybe now it will change a little.